


Safe and Warm

by deathmarkedlove_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2019-05-10 04:29:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14729960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathmarkedlove_archivist/pseuds/deathmarkedlove_archivist
Summary: Post Selfless. Buffy goes back to the basement, retrieves a slightly saner Spike, and learns a few things. G





	Safe and Warm

**Author's Note:**

> Authors: Tequila Sunrise and Tigerwolf

Buffy looked down at the big styrophoam cup she was holding. Earlier this morning, it had held a large cappachino from McDonald's. Now, beneath it's lid was a steaming cup of blood. She knew Spike got blood somehow. He didn't have that gaunt look about his face or anything, but... it was a nice gesture right? And... after tonight. After D'hoffryn, after Anya, after Xander... She didn't want to be alone again so soon. True, she and Dawn were on a sharing level, but... She needed to think first. Even though the walls moved around constantly in the basement, never in the same place, a new labyrinth every day, whenever she sought him out, she found him. This time was no exception. He wasn't that far away from where he'd been before. Crouched on the floor, staring at a cockroach that was crawling in front of his shoe.

"Hi."

Looked up quickly, nearly stepping on the bug. "Are you real?"

She frowned and tilted her head to the side. "Pretty sure."

He nodded. "Good. Never sure anymore." Went back to looking at the bug. Except that it was gone. "Lost it again."

"Lost what?"

Looked up at her. "Other than me? The bug. It's here, then it's gone. Where's it gone now? I was keeping it company."

"I- I'm sure it has another... buggy friend."

He nodded. "Yeah. But I don't." Leaned back against the wall. "I want to see the stars."

Buffy extended the styrophoam cup. "Here."

Cocked his head, sniffed. "You're feeding me? I thought you always made Rupert do it."

She sat on the cement, the cold of it soaking through her jeans. How did he stand it down here? "Giles is in England. I... thought you might be hungry." Tentative smile.

Held the cup in his hands, the warmth seeping through. Cocked his head for one more moment, before the scent got to him and he latched onto the small hole in the lid. Suprisingly, he fed without vamping, and it looked as if he were conciously keeping himself from doing so.

One hand drifted to his tangled hair, and she said, "It's allright. You can." Her fingers brushed across his forehead, letting him know what she was talking about.

Eyes moved to the side, looking at her. Turned golden as she watched, and there was the sound of cracking styrophoam as his fangs lengthened through the lid. Kept his eyes on her. The first sign of.. revulsion, or anything negative, he was chucking the cup across the room and running. This wasn't easy for him. Not easy at all.

She kept her gaze easy, level, unaffected. Just took the cup from him, removed the lid, handed it back to him.

Still keeping his golden eyes on her, he drained the cup in less than ten seconds, once the block of the lid was removed.

They sat in silence a few minutes, just looking at each other. Finally, her chin on her knees, Buffy said, "I had a really bad day."

Licked his lips, and focused his once more blue eyes on her. "What's bad? Besides me."

"Anya was bad. I thought I was gonna have to kill her. And then Xander yelled at me."

Half growl. Then, "Sorry." Cocked his head. "Anya's bad, too?"

"She killed ten men. But then she was good. She was willing to die to bring them back."

"Bad, then good. That's not... easy." Looked at her. "The men.. are alive? Is Anya.. gone now?"

"They're alive now. But... Anya didn't die. D'Hoffryn kinda... threw her out, I guess. Halfrek, though... she's gone."

He just stared at her. "Gone? She's gone? Forever?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah..."

Spike ducked his head. "Lost. It was my fault. Killed people. Branded her. They called her 'Death Angel' after that. She went vengence demon." Rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "All my fault."

She gave a small frown. "Not everything's your fault, Spike."

"This is." Looked at her. "Halfrek. Cecily. Halfrek *is* Cecily." Hoped she'd remember, because he couldn't make it any clearer than that.

Cecily.... Cecily... Ce- Oh. Oh!!! Holy shit. Small world. "We all make our own choices."

Spike sighed. "Bad choices, it seems. All bad."

"Not all. Me visiting you isn't bad, right?"

Shook his head. "No. But I am. Bad. Bad man." Cocked his head at her. "Why *are* you here?"

"Cuz I thought we could use company?"

Nodded. "Company's good. Especially company that has less than four legs. Cause.. rats and roaches?" Leaned toward her, semi-conspiritorily. "Not the best conversationalists." Was he making a joke?

She let a smile curve her lips, just in case he was. "No they aren't. But you know where is a good place to conversationalize?" Was that a word, she wondered to herself?

A chuckle told her that it probably wasn't. "Where?"

"Not in school basements." She stood, waited to see if he'd follow.

He stood up slowly, using a hand on the wall to steady himself, legs shaky with unuse. "This is my place, now, you know."

She snorted, and started walking. "Sure."

He looked around the dark, wet, slightly scary basement, then back at her retreating form. No contest. Followed her. "Wait.."

She paused, let him catch up. "I'm thirsty. Are you thirsty?"

He looked at the cup that he still held in his hand. "Not hungry now."

"Good. But are you thirsty? I think I want a vanilla shake." She walked into the night air, Spike at her heels, determinedly toward the all night coffee cafe.

He paused, looking up at the sky. "Buffy?"

"Hm?"

"Are we outside?"

She paused, turned to look at him. "Yes."

He let out a relieved sigh. "Oh, good. I thought I was seeing stars on the ceiling." Moved past her, headed toward the cafe. "I'm insane. I'm not *that* insane..."

She gave a small smile, followed him, and paid for their orders. She sat down at the outside table, sucking at her milkshake.

Spike cocked his head at his cup. She'd ordered for both of them. But he hadn't been paying attention. There'd been lots of lights in there. Took the lid off and sniffed at it. Cocoa. Hot cocoa! Stuck his finger in and extracted a marshmallow. Big one. Oh well. It would do. Put it in his mouth, looking around absently as he did so.

"Did you not like it in there?"

"In where?" Pulled out another marshmallow.

She gestured to the cafe. "You were glaring. And blinking."

He shrugged. "Too bright. Hurts."

She nodded. The basement wasn't great preparation for the outside world. She slid a little paper cup towards him.

He looked at it, then at her, a 'curious puppy' look on his face.

She nudged it a little closer to him, with a non-chalant shrug.

Looked in it. Sudden grin. Extra marshmallows! She'd gotten him extra marshmallows! Took the cup and dumped the whole thing in his cocoa. Fishing them out one at a time. "And I didn't get you anything." Said around a mouthful of marshmallow. And a grin.

She tossed him an answering one. "You got me company."

"Me." Sounded proud of it, for some reason.

"Right." Sighed. "Spike-"

Suddenly nervous. Looked at his cocoa. This was the part where she told him he was evil, and disgusting, and-

"We really need to find you a new place."

Looked up. Suprised, and confused. Both emotions showed through. "New..? I have a place. My place. The dark. Where bad things go."

Firmly. "No."

Plucked another marshmallow, and stirred the remainder with his finger, ignoring the hot liquid. "I don't deserve help. Never ask. Can't ask. Don't receive."

"Spike. You should get a new place."

"I can't!" Adamant. "Can't leave. I belong there, Buffy. You know. Know what I did. Don't deserve the light. Can never be good. Burns from within."

The old Spike, she would have simply bitch-slapped up and down Main Street until he did what she said. But this Spike was more... delicate. Unbalanced. She cast around in her mind for a way to make him agree peaceably. "But... you're trying to be good, right?"

Nodded. "Trying. So hard, trying. But not enough. Can't leave the dark. I belong there." Looked at her. "Why else would the light burn me? Even the sun agrees. Leave William alone. In the dark. All alone..." Trailed off, finally noticing the minor burn the cocoa had put on his finger. Stuck his finger in his mouth.

She laid her hands in the middle of the table, almost touching his. "But....it would be good to help me, to help make me happy, right?"

Looked up, removing his finger from his mouth. "I want to help." Nodded. "You should be happy. Another reason for me to go back. I can't hurt you if I'm there. Can't hurt the girl again."

"But it will make me happy if you don't go back there." Kept her eyes soft, understanding, non-threateninng.

Looked at her. "If I go back... You'll be sad?"

"Very, very sad."

"Why?" Simple question. Right?

But was it ever? No. Why, indeed. So many different things swirling in her mind. She latched onto one, and voiced it. "Because I worry about you."

Hope. 'She'll tell you, someday..', floated through the vampire's semi-fractured mind. Licked his lips. "You do?"

She figeted. "Well.. yeah. That's a scary basement. I don't want you to hurt yourself, or get hurt, or lost or something."

An almost smile. Then, "What do *you* want me to do?" If she said 'jump off a cliff' right then, he'd do it. His eyes told her that much, and more.

God.... so much devotion. Absolute faith. It shook her. "I.... I don't know. But... we can't have you staying in that basement anymore. Where would YOU like to stay?"

Looked at his cocoa. Muttered something that sounded like, 'white shoes'.

At least, that's what it had sounded like to Buffy. And with his black attire, she wouldn't let him walk around looking like a classical tap performer. "Excuse me?"

Louder. "With you." Still focusing on the cup. Embarrassed tone in the voice. "Not alone, anymore. Don't want to be alone. Can't be quiet enough for them. But they leave, when you come."

Concern. "Do they hurt you, Spike?"

"Sometimes." Talking to the marshmallows. "Cut and burn, leave for the rats and bugs." Shudder.

She slipped two fingers under his chin, lifted it to make him look at her. "Leave what for the rats and bugs?"

There were tears in his eyes. "Me. My flesh for them to eat. Hurts."

Oh, sweet word. She stood up, grabbed his arm, pulling him behind her, sweeping up his chocolate in the other hand. "We're going home, come on."

He stumbled, since she was moving too fast for him to properly get his legs under him. "You're mad now. Are you going to punish me, too? I don't think there are bugs here, though."

She pulled in deep breaths, loosening her grip on his arm. She calmed herself enough to say, "No. No one is punishing you anymore."

Followed her. "Never again?" So hopeful, and more than a little scared.

She turned to face him, her eyes glittering fiercely. "Never again. And if they try, they will die regretting it."

Stopped in his tracks, because he'd nearly run into her when she'd spun around. "Thank you." Looked toward the school. "Where's home, then? If I can't go back in the dark."

Her hand slid to encircle his wrist. "I... I guess my home, for now. Till we know what you want to do."

"I want to be good." Looked at her hand. "It doesn't burn to touch me?"

"Why would-" She broke off, shook her head. "It doesn't burn to touch you." She slowed, and handed him his hot chocolate.

He accepted it, and sipped quietly, the last of the marshmallows having melted. Let her continue to grip his wrist and pull him beside her. "It's getting better, then? For you? Doesn't.. hurt, all the time?"

A smile crept across her face. "Life isn't a bad thing anymore. Not most of the time."

He nodded. "I hope I can do what you did."

"What's that?"

Looked at her. "Learn to live.. here, again. To be.. okay, despite where I'm from. What I am. What I've done. Just to learn to live again. And to not be alone."

"Not alone. You'll be ok." He would be, right? They would find some way to fix him. Make him whole again. Repeated it again. "You'll be ok." She let them into her home, knowing Dawn was in bed, as the mantel clock read 2AM.

He swallowed, standing at the base of the stairs. Looked for somewhere to throw his empty cup, muttering about how littering didn't help redemption.

She took the cup, threw it on the kitchen table. She could get it in the morning. "Come on."

"Where?" Looked at the stairs apprehensivly.

"Well... We'll put you... um... in the guest room tonight, ok? Tomorrow, after school, we'll fix up my basement for you, ok? Nothing in there bites. But you can still go in the rest of the house, too, ok?"

Followed her to the guest room. "Where will *you* be?"

She pointed to her bedroom. "Right across the hall here."

He bit his lip. "Will you.. I mean, can we.. I want to leave the door open." Hoped he didn't sound as scared as he was feeling. "Don't want.. want to be.. less alone."

She nodded. Made a quick excuse. "Ya know what? You can't use that room."

"Why?"

"Uh... the.. the sheets are dirty, and I need to wash them. I can set up the spare cot in my room, though. I'm sorry. I hope that's ok."

His mouth dropped open. Just for an instant, but it had quite a comic effect. "Y-you'll let me.. In your room.. With you?"

She giggled in her head, but didn't want to upset him. "Sure." Didn't add the rhetorical 'Why not?' that she was sure he would try to give a million answers for.

Licked his lips, processing. "Okay..? I can be good, you know. I'll be good."

She nodded. "I know you'll be good."

He gave a half grin. An 'I can do this, I can do this' expression. Spike: The Little Vampy That Could. Followed her into her room, carrying the cot that they'd picked up on the way.

They set it up in her room, and she used the softest blankets she could find, and the warmest. That basement was horrible. She wanted to give him warmth, safety. Things he'd lacked for so long. She stopped him before he crawled in. "Let me see where they hurt you."

Sat on the side of the cot. Nodded slowly. Removed his shirt.

A rage contorted her features as her eyes raked over his chest. She left without a word, and came back a minute later with antiseptic and bandages. "These are infected, Spike."

He gave a half shrug. "More pain from old wounds, less need for new. They say."

She started to swab them out carefully, making sure everything was cleaned, wouldn't fester. "Well, I say they can go to hell."

A sick sounding chuckle. "That's where they come from. From beneath you, it devours."

She was REALLY getting sick of hearing that. "Not if I kill it first." Bandaged him.

He nodded, began to purr softly, and cut himself off. "Sorry."

She shook her head. "That's ok. You don't have to stop,"

Quieter, started up again. "Didn't know if it was allowed."

"Why wouldn't you?"

Looked at her hands, still smoothing the bandages. "Cause it means.. You know what it means. And I don't deserve to feel it. Cause no one does for me."

"You do. And I want you to be happy here. That'll make me happy."

Nodded, the purring increasing in volume as she let him lay down on the cot. "I want to help. And for you to be happy. Safe, and happy. Everyone should be-" Yawned. "-safe and happy. And warm.." Blinked sleepily.

She nodded. "Yes they should..." As his eyes slid closed again, staying that way, Buffy smoothed the blankets over him, tucking them under his chin, adjusting her curtains, throwing an extra blanket over them.

She changed in the bathroom, and came back in, sporting the sushi jamma's, and stared at the vampire curled on a cot beside her bed. Everyone did deserve to be safe and happy. She'd see that he got that, too.

The End


End file.
